What is Toxic Masculinity and How Does Culture Contribute to it?

Let’s discuss the “Macho” mentality.

It has been a while since I published an article on my blog. I took a break from writing during the holidays and now I’m ready to fall into a creative slump again. My mind was crowded with several ideas for my new article. On the very top of this list of ideas was “toxic masculinity” because it is something which I personally relate to. First, let’s look at the definition of toxic masculinity.

What is toxic masculinity?

Toxic masculinity is adhering to the traditional and limiting cultural notion that “being a man” should glorify dominance, mental and physical toughness, aggression, absence of emotion, emotional insensitive (‘tough-guy’ behaviour) and high sexual virility.

Signs of Toxic Masculinity

1. Shame, avoidance and suppression associated with emotional expression. (expressing normal human emotions are considered ‘less manly’)
2. The only acceptable emotions that can be expressed are strong emotions such as anger, bravery and aggression.
3. The tendency to be extremely self-reliant (the need to rely on oneself even during difficult times and not reach out for help — making it less likely for men to seek mental health support from a professional. You may hear phrases such as “I’m a man, i don’t need therapy”, “emotions are only for women”. Research evidence by King et. al (2020) highlights how conforming to such masculine norms is associated with high suicidal ideation.
4. The belief that a man should suffer emotional or physical pain in silence (hyper-independence) and only women are supposed to share their pain with others.
5. The need to dominate women through power, sexual means and strict traditional beliefs such as “women’s duty is to bring food to the table”.
6. “Never a victim” mentality (cannot accept loss, the need to always win).
7. The need to feel powerful through materialism.
8. The traditional belief that the man is always superior to the woman (chauvinism).
9. Dismissing women’s opinion, objectifying a woman’s body and generally treating women as immature and weak. Normalising behaviours such as catcalling, street harassment, workplace harassment though phrases such as “boys will be boys”, “it was just a joke”.
10. Sexist and homophobic beliefs and behavioiurs.

If you closely look at the above signs, you will see that these signs have a direct impact on some of the common societal issues we witness everyday such as violence, rape, street harassment, assault, domestic violence and so on. But, what role does culture play in fuelling toxic masculinity?

Culture and toxic masculinity

When speaking of culture, I’m referring to my perspective as a woman of colour. I was born and raised in Sri Lanka and I believe that upholding cultural practices adds uniqueness to one’s country. However, the unfortunate truth is that, culture has been twisted with irrational man-made beliefs. This has created nothing but an unsafe society for us to live in. I’m disappointed to see how toxic masculinity is encouraged in the name of ‘culture’ and how traditional beliefs has given rise to narrow minded opinions and ‘rules’ on how men and women must carry their gender roles.

Growing up in a South-Asian culture, witnessing issues such as street harassment, devaluation of a woman’s body and how men freely abide by their stereotypical gender roles is nothing new. Toxic masculinity has been at its peak in our culture for ages. But, through awareness and education we can break this toxic pattern. Society has made men feel as if they cannot step outside of this traditional gender role, although they are unknowingly putting themselves and others around them in irreversible damage, both mentally and physically.

What can we do differently to end the problem?

Cultural beliefs and traditional gender roles will pass on from one generation to another until someone is willing to break this cycle. In order to break the cycle, we must start with the younger generation. From a very young age, boys are pressured by society to conform to these traditional masculine ideas.

-The boy who was given the message that “boys don’t cry” grows up to be the man who avoids and suppresses emotions and battle silently with their mental health.

-The boy who was told “why are you crying? are you a girl?” grows up to be the man who believes that anger and aggression are the only acceptable emotions to be expressed as a man — resulting in violence, anger issues, domestic violence etc.

-The boy who believes that his mother’s role is to cook and his father’s role is to work, grows up to be the man who repeats the traditional belief that the wife’s ‘duty’ is in the kitchen.

-The boy who witnesses girls being punished for their dress being above the knee, grows up to believe that a woman’s worth is measured by the length of her skirt.

-The boy who was teased saying “you lost to a girl?” learns that women are less powerful, resulting in male dominance, street harassment (catcalling women on the road) and other behaviours such as sexual assault and domestic violence.

Twice the amount of disappointment lies when a woman asks for help. Within our culture, everytime a woman experiences street harassment or everytime we hear about rape, the woman and her dress is to be blamed. If a woman lodges a complaint at the police for street harassment, she will return home with the words “boys will be boys” or “wear something longer next time”.

It is time that we educate ourselves on toxic masculinity and ask ourselves, should we protect our daughters or educate our sons?

I currently live and work in Australia and street harassment is not something which I have experienced even once (regardless of what I was wearing). It is the best example that teaching boys about toxic masculinity from a young age helps to cultivate respect, discipline and emotional intellegence.

Although I love my country and I’m proud of it’s culture, I could not help but compare my experience between walking on the streets in Lanka and in Melbourne. Men who engage in such behaviours towards women continuously repeat it to gain a sense of superiority and dominance because they deeply suffer with their self-esteem — which is a clear sign of improper and rude upbringing. And if these men are called out for these behaviours, the male ego is easily hurt.

Toxic masculinity can not only be applied to men, but also women. In other words, culture has taught women to normalise and tolerate male dominance and harassment because that is the traditional notion they grow up with. Once again, encouraging the absurd message that “boys will be boys, but women should learn to tolerate”. Within our culture, women are expected to repress themselves. If they speak up, raise their voice for the truth or stand up against injustice, they are judged and look down upon by society, which is not the case for men.

A famous quote by Jared Yates Sexton from his book The man they wanted me to be is “Toxic masculinity is a chronic illness, and once we’re infected we always carry it with us.”

As long as toxic masculinity is glorified within our culture, we will certainly fail as a country in the face of violence, aggression, assaults and political disputes. It is important that we provide young boys with the proper tools to challenge such stereotypical beliefs which would finally put an end to this toxic cycle.